confession: i've always wanted to be a bride.

This is how long I've dreamed about being a bride. I think this picture was taken when I was about 7. Let me break down it down for you:

I wore that white play dress for probably two years straight in the summer. It had rips in the hem and a big stain on the side, but I didn't care...I was a bride. To me, it was a gown, in my imagination, it had a train and was made of satin + sparkles. I loved that dress so much I remember getting up in the morning in the summer and having my mom zip me into it. I wouldn't take it off again until I had to change into my pajamas at night {or when I would change into shorts to ride my bike around the block}.

I definitely had the details down. I even had my arm sticking out so that I can walk down the aisle with my dad {my aisle back then was a diagonal line in the living room}.  I think for those two summers I had maybe a dozen weddings. Some were simple, between me and my imagination, little made up weddings that I'd have when making my bed and using the blanket wrapped around me for a train. 

Others were more elaborate--for one, my sister printed out a program and also played piano as I walked down the "aisle". She would sit me next to the computer in the kitchen and we'd decide what font to use, what hymn we should sing, etc.  Another wedding of mine had a reception of Kool-aid and graham crackers downstairs after the ceremony. I went so far as requesting that everyone dress up in their finest clothes in order to witness my blessed event. {My dad even wore a tie, which I didn't realize back then, but that was a big deal--he's not a tie wearer.}

I remember once my father said he wanted to invite his friend, Steve. I, of course, was mortified thinking that a person outside my family would come into my little world and watch me get fake married. My dad even went as far as pretending like he was of the phone inviting him to the wedding {With me hollering in the background "Dad, hang up the phone!!"}.

I am ready to be a bride. I'm ready to wear the white dress and have my father walk me down the aisle to my future husband. I've been dreaming about the wedding, evidently since I was 7.  Some of the details have changed...like,

Instead of:

*Playing the piano, Laura will be the matron of honor proudly standing up front next to me.
*Being the pastor or best man {never the groom, heaven forbid}, Kyle will be playing the role of groomsman and brother of the bride...the only one who can fill that role.
*My living room, I'll be walking down the aisle of my church overwhelmed by the sight of all the people surrounding me and the sight of my groom.
*Kool-Aid and graham crackers, we'll be serving our guests an actual meal {chicken breast and beef medallions, to be exact}.
*a make-believe groom named Seth or Matt, I'll be marrying Chad. A man who I know is real and who will always fill our marriage with love.

My 8-year-old self thought that the wedding was the perfect day. The day I'd get to wear white, walk with my father, carry a bouquet of flowers. My 21-year-old self now knows that the wedding is just the beginning of our life together.  I can look past the one day and realize that we are building the foundation of our life as husband + wife.

P.S. The smile that is on that little 8-year-old's face will be just as big as the one I'll have two weeks from now--I will have all my teeth though:)


Laura said...

Loved. Every. Word. of this post.

Oh, such memories. Especially the one where Dad wanted to invited Steve. I remember being horrified at the idea, too.

Love you!

Meghan said...

You are so adorable, lady! And I love everything about this post - from the Kool-aid to your amazing smile and excitement!

RN Mama said...

What a sweet post. The picture is adorable, I figured that was a 1st Communion dress you were wearing:)

Can't wait to see you actual wedding pictures!!


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