Sorry for the lack of posts in the last couple weeks. It's been a combination of things-engagement, summer, trying to master Diner Dash. It's hard to pin point what's been going on but there's definitely been a shift in my life. It might be the wedding planning. I'm over the moon that I will be marrying Chad soon. Believe me. I just have this feeling that it's not really happening. Whenever I look at a bridal magazine or a pretty wedding post, I sometimes think "oh, that will be nice for my wedding" and store it away in my picture file. I've been doing this for so long, that it's hard for me to actually think about our wedding and how it's actually going to happen. This isn't pretend anymore-it's real. That has been hard for me to grasp and honestly, it's given me such a weird feeling. Not a bad feeling-it's just so...adult. Life-changing. It makes me doubt myself. It makes me feel that I'm not ready for such a big change and that I need to stay in my parent's house forever. Nevertheless, this is my life. It's been a struggle for me to come to grips with the fact that I can't plan this part out, no matter how hard I try. I'm kind of a huge planner. I like to know what will affect me and what I can do to prepare myself.

It's also something else. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's there. I know it's not melancholy-I think it's just the shock of the events and knowing that it's actually happened to me. Last night, I was cleaning out my email and I found emails from Chad in 2005. It didn't even seem like we were the same people. It's obviously better how things are now and maybe I'm just thinking about our so-called roots. We were such different people back then-different priorities, different worries, different ideas. I think that overwhelmed me that throughout all our personal changes, we are still together and in love with each other.

I've also been thinking about how I don't want to be one of those people that all I do is talk about my wedding. It's hard not to be consumed with it, when it's such an easy conversation starter for people. I like thinking about it and planning it-believe me. I just don't want to go out of control. I'm going to try to limit the posts that I have on here about our wedding. I'm not saying that they will go out all together-I'm going to try to limit them to no more than three a week for a little while. When we get closer to the actual day, I'll probably post more and more, but this is my way of being in control of the craziness.

I do apologize if that was a lot of things for you to read in one post-but I do appreciate a place where I feel safe to broadcast my thoughts and unload on you guys. Please feel free to comment on anything (especially if you fellow ladies ever felt like this when everything engagement-wise was so fresh) and I will read them all with a huge smile on my face. Thanks doc, how much do I owe you?

1 comment:

Laura said...

Just a few things:
1) Diner Dash is what got me hooked on computer games. Beware.
2) The engagement is still new. It'll sink in eventually. :) I was a little freaked out (yet really excited), too!
3) Kudos on not wanting to talk about your wedding all the time. I'll try to keep that in mind when we chat, but it's hard to do!
4) Love you!


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