the first year of marriage... // Meghan from The Perfect Compilation Tape

Past Bride No. 3 is Meghan. She is one of the first blog friends I ever had and her blog is definitely a daily read for me. This guest post is so fitting today since she'll be celebrating her anniversary in about a month and she just got done doing these really fun posts about her wedding memories (alphabet style) that you can read here and here.

My name is Meghan, and I blog over at The Perfect Compilation Tape. Usually, you can find me discussing the three C's: Chicago (my hometown!), cupcakes and coffee. Sometimes, however, my husband Mike makes an appearance (hereafter known as "Mikey"). Mikey (he hates it when I call him that!) and I have been married for almost two years. We will be celebrating our second wedding anniversary on July 24th, and I cannot believe it! These first two years of marriage have FLOWN BY, and I've definitely learned a lot about myself and my husband.

Since one of my weekly blog features is "Top 5 Thursdays", I thought I'd put together a list of the top five things that I have learned about marriage.

5. While marriage is a partnership, it's important to operate independently.
Mikey and I love spending time together. There is never a shortage of laughter and goofiness, no matter where we are. But even though we have daily coffee dates on our way to work, as well as weekly date nights, we aren't afraid to do things without each other. For instance, Mikey loves concerts. I hate standing on my feet. Therefore, when he wants to go see a band, he will call a friend or go on his own. This way, he doesn't have to deal with my constant complaining about how uncomfortable it is to stand for three hours in heels, and I can watch the "Real Housewives".

4. Men leave socks everywhere.
I think this is really an analogy for "choose your battles". My husband is a hybrid of a dog and a toddler. He leaves his socks in the couch cushions. He spills his milk. He loves to cuddle when I am trying to grade papers. I love him, but yes, he can annoy the hell out of me sometimes. Is it worth fighting over, though? Personally, I'd rather roll my eyes, and then smile at his child-like cuteness rather than make an issue out of it. Except for the socks. THAT drives me nuts.

3. Date each other.
It's really easy to fall into a rut. A typical night in our house goes something like this: come home from work, work-out, eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed. However, at least once a week, we do something special, like go out to dinner or grab dessert (our dates always revolve around food). That way, we can keep the spark alive as we gain weight:)

2. Communication is KEY.
I know this isn't anything new, but let's be honest. Relationships are hard work. There are bumps in the road. And so when there are, Mike and I do our best to cool off, and then discuss the issue at hand - all before bed. Because going to bed angry causes wrinkles.

1. There's no such thing as a "perfect marriage".
I hate to cook. Sometimes, I cry for no reason. I really love to shop. And my home, while always clean, is nowhere near Martha Stewart status. I am not perfect, but neither is my husband. And since we all have faults and we all make mistakes, it's important to understand, as a result, that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. I truly believe that recognizing this, and adjusting accordingly, is half the battle:)

dad.

My dad this morning. Doing what he loves: reading the paper + being outside with a cup of coffee.

I have had the above quote (from Pushing Daisies) on my blogging clipboard, waiting for the perfect occasion. I think Father's Day is just the day, don't you? This is the quote that bottles up how I feel about my dear dad. He is the best human being in my eyes and I go to him when I need comfort, assurance, and guidance.

Remember how, when you were a kid, and your dad would do something that made you think he was the greatest + strongest + bravest man ever? For me (and my three siblings), it was the little things: building us a dollhouse, teaching all of us how to ride our bikes, singing silly songs while making dinner, or praying with us before bed.

I love you forever.

so we're throwing a party.

01. 02. 03.

04. 05. 06.

07. 08. 09.

I've hinted. I've mentioned it here. But I have now finally gotten around to posting the inspiration board for my parents' 30th anniversary party that is coming up next week already! I'll give you the rundown: parents backyard, siblings and I hosting (which means refilling drinks and pointing out where to sit), sandwiches + fruit + desserts. Everything handmade and created by us kids. I've dug through my parents old wedding book and photo albums and can't wait to help them remember all those event through the years. Can't you believe that we've (and by 'we' I mean 'me') have never through a party this size before?

Still so many DIY projects left to do...good thing weekends are free around here. :)

01-12.

It is officially the 12th of June. Wowza. Doesn't it always seem like the first half of the year flies by?

01. Eating more produce. Above is the black bean + mango tostadas that Chad and I have made several times (recipe here) and we somehow seem to eat more veggies/fruit and less meat in the summer. Are you like that too? Why is that? Is it just because I don't want to turn on my stove or is it because fresh food tastes soooo much better in the summer? I'm not complaining though--I kinda like looking down and seeing my grocery cart filled with those clear produce bags.
02. Ending my run at the hotel front desk last night. Celebrating with a Summer Shandy.
03. Starting the new job tomorrow morning. Let the butterflies start their fluttering dance in my stomach...
04. Finding lesson plan material for said job. See, that's why I like what I do. In addition to browsing pinterest for more dreamy house inspiration, I get to find crafts for father's day.
05. Chad smoked ribs yesterday. He said they were heavenly. And he took pictures. Instead of getting to eat with him, I munched on a turkey sandwich. :)
06. Bethany is engaged! I can't talk about her kindness and friendliness enough -- she is one of the best ladies I have ever had the privilege of calling my friend. Am so delighted that she is getting married to her love! YAY!
07. Having my faith restored in the X Men franchise -- which was depleted after the 3rd flick. Bonus: Yum x 2 (McAvoy + Fasssbender).
08. Chad in his new "Europe" jeans. They make his butt extra yummy. Ladies, get your fellas some 1969 straight leg jeans from the Gap. Stat.
09. Mavs v. Heat. I don't know why I'm so into the NBA finals right now, but I have watched all these games. Maybe because Micaela is so passionate, she's rubbin' off on me.
10. Making decorations for the 30th party (one of my favorite things to do). Have I still not shown you the plan? Will do that this week...promise.
11. The Business of Being Born. Wow. This documentary completely opened up a new way of thinking about child birth for me.
12. New music to be excited over. Thursday, I listened to Bon Iver's new album streaming and sent Chad a text: "Justin's new album is streaming -- you want in?" (Since I live in Justin's town, I guess I feel like we are on a first name basis...even though we've never met). Do yourself a favor and listen here if you wish.

**play along with Amy + Miranda.

in the backyard.

I live in our backyard as much as possible in the three precious summer months. It's perfection right now, without those pesky mosquitoes. The patio of concrete and surrounding grass turns into our everything -- kitchen, laundromat, dining room table, and living room couch (for those afternoon naps after work).

Everything is so much calmer when living out here: meals are eaten slower, books and blog posts written by friends (i.e. you!) are read with more purpose and thought, laundry is folded right from the line, and more breaks are taken in the day to escape and lay out on our blue comforter feeling the bumps of dirt underneath me and the sun warm up my pale arms and legs.

Fewer distractions. That's what I'm striving for this summer.


Photo Credit: Chad + iPhone.

on getting a new job.

Hip, hip, hooray! I can eat solid foods again!
(I'm still a little wary of straws since I heard that dry sockets are so horribly painful). Thank you a million for the encouraging words and the well-wishes during my absence from the blogging world. I spent my time on the couch with my best friends -- Karma, pudding, and Netflix Instant.

I think it's time to share the other important news that is going on in my life besides the lack of teeth. I got a new job! In one short week, I'll leave the hotel front desk that I have worked at for 3 years and 12 days. While I leave behind some of the best ladies that I've ever worked with, I start a job I have been working towards for the past four years. Bonus: I work the same time that Chad does, so we'll be able to spend nights and weekends together. God is so good.

What's in the new job description, you ask?  Well, I will be the head (and only) teacher at a child care center in the 4 + 5-year-old room for the summer (then, once school starts, they'll work around that schedule, of course). And I can't wait to get started. I am nervous, excited, delighted, and just so happy. This week will be spent doing block plans, filing out paperwork, and writing up an introduction letter. I feel like the quote above puts how I am feeling in a perfect quotable package.

Start date is next Monday...wish me luck! :)

P.S. With all the hotel stories that I've told my family over the years, I can't believe I've only shared one with all of you. Read it here.

wisdom teeth recovery.

What my diet consists of as of yesterday...yum. 

No, this is not the first post I want to have welcome the month of June, but unfortunately I have to face the truth. I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday and I am in recovery mode. While I am still on the mend, I thought I would share with you a few details of my experience (not the gross-out stuff, though):

01. People will share gross stories with you before you have your surgery. I think this is kind of like being pregnant in a way -- people have stories/tips and they want to share with you. For the last two weeks, every time I have told people that I am getting my wisdom teeth out, I hear experiences about dry sockets (cringe) or how to ice your cheeks.
02. Vicodin makes you have trippy dreams. The first day, I had two dreams that I remember...one, I was in a cartoon (complete with speech bubbles) and the other, I was writing a blog with my mind with someone from high school (who I haven't seen in two years!).
03. You can't eat the food you want to. I thought it was going to be such a treat, getting to eat pudding and frozen yogurt for a couple days. But it's not such a treat when that is all you eat. I was shooting Chad dagger eyes watching him eat tacos last night.
04. General anesthesia leaves you saying and doing weird things. According to Chad, right after I woke up, I sang along with Prince's 'Kiss' and Backstreet Boys 'As Long as You Love Me'. Very loudly. I also proclaimed "I can't believe it's OVER!" about 50 times. Chad so wishes he had his phone out. 
05. Having a surgery like this really shows how much Chad cares for me. He changed my gross, bloody gauze pads, he heated up spaghetti-o's for me, and he even woke up at 3:15 am to give me my medication. What a guy...

Hopefully I'll be back in full swing in about a week. For now, I'm brushing my teeth very carefully and staying away from straws. :)

my recent days in (ing).

drinking this tasty concoction: the Arnold Palmer. Ever since Cole posted about it on her blog it's all we have been drinking. Which is saying much considering that I had never heard of one before. Hello new favorite summer drink!

breathing a sigh of relief. I passed my benchmark on Wednesday. This doesn't probably mean much, but I can finally drop the 'pre' from my education title. Love it!

playing Angry Birds of course (free download on Google Chrome) and Clockbusters (thanks for the tip-off, Jessica!).
reading the interesting discussions about blogging/sharing that with real life people over at Danni's blog and smoothie recipes and how good/bad they really are for you over at Celia's blog.
befriending new people through bloglovin. My new discoveries are: desserts for breakfast, always with butter, my pencil box, busy bee lauren, little white whale, atlantic pacific, and vintch.
planning our Paris +London + Brussels stays during our date tomorrow. Figuring out which hostels we are going to stay in and how we are going to get there. 58 days to go! (Lemme just tell you...Rick Steve's guidebooks are becoming our new best friends.)
sending out my parent's 30th wedding anniversary party invites! Will show you the darling invites and the party inspiration board soon (I promise.)

wishing you all a Happy Memorial Day weekend! How will you be spending it?

the first year of marriage... // Claire from a peachtree city life

Today, I am pleased to bring you the second guest post in my series: the first year of marriage. (You guys liking it so far?) Claire from a peachtree city life is the next guest blogger and I am so pleased that she wrote such an amazing post for you to enjoy. She is one of my new friends and I invite you to read her honest post about the worries + joy found in each other during their first year. She actually just celebrated her three year anniversary with her husband, Tony, this past Tuesday (the 24th). Happy Anniversary to Tony + Claire (and a million thanks, Claire!).

May 24th marks my third wedding anniversary with my husband Tony.  It's amazing to write that sentence, considering it feels we've been together for a lifetime, yet the day itself seems much more recent in my mind.  Marriage is a crazy combination of comfort, boundless love, tension, support, hope, and, let's be honest, a little boringness!  When Amanda asked me to write about our first year of marriage, I stupidly thought, oh! that's easy!  I remember it like it was yesterday... we were in love and everything was awesome!  Turns out, it's much more complicated than that.

In the spirit of honesty, I should say that Tony and I "lived in sin" (as we Southerners like to say) for a year before we were technically married.  We got engaged in the last few weeks of college, graduated and quickly got jobs.  We were ready to magically become adults (why the rush?? I ask myself now!).  We decided where we wanted to live and took the plunge to buy a new house.  

So when I think back to our first year of marriage, I am really thinking back to our first year of engagement.  To me, marriage is all about the beauty and chaos of two people merging their lives and their selves together into their own little version of a family.  It's not a paper stamped and filed away (ok, fine, technically it is....).  Regardless, we lived as a married couple that first year.  

You can know a person and you can love a person, but you cannot do that wholly until you share the same roof and the same bed and the same laundry basket.  Our first year, not unlike many other couples, was filled with ups and downs.  We were under added stress in that we had just made the major life change of graduating college and starting careers and buying a new home and planning a wedding - struggling to find our own new identities while discovering and developing our identity as a couple.  We had big dreams and infinite energy - tackling home projects and diving into work.  We were young and naive and each other's best friend.

We were determined to make it on our own, taking only the help that we really needed from our parents (which they gave readily, bless them).  We wanted to be independent.  I wanted a blogger's dream home (typical, right?).  I spent many hours frustrated that our dream life was just taking too long to build - we were starting from scratch.  We didn't have a can opener and we didn't have the money to buy one.  ...Slight exaggeration, but it often felt like our lack of "things" sometimes became insurmountable.

I should note here that Tony and I aren't necessarily the lovey-dovey type.  We share our love through laughter and support but you will rarely catch us smooching in public or waxing poetic about our love for one another.  Not to say I take any issue with those who show their love that way - but this is simply the way we are.  We are the quiet nonchalant type.  So I find myself relating to our first year of marriage in terms of our daily existence together - the struggles, the challenges, our environment - instead of focusing on the love we felt and our intangible "relationship" - and every crazy thing comprising it.  We got along beautifully, only small squabbles interrupting the tranquility of daily life.  I regret that I treated our marriage complacently, not thanking God every day that I had been given such a perfect match in Tony.

I'm reminded of an experience right at the end of our first year of faux marriage that is painful to remember, even now. [Side note - don't you just hate when you say something stupid or react impulsively and later that scene replays itself like a video stuck on rewind in your mind?  Thanks brain, I needed to be reminded of my idiocy!]  

A friend of a friend asked me causally over dinner what the greatest lesson was that I had learned in my first year living with Tony, and I stupidly responded with the crass answer of "We need to make more money" - followed up by a cynical laugh.  Brilliant, Claire.  The questioner laughed politely and turned away.  I burned with the shame of my answer, and I am often reminded of that  moment, wishing endlessly that I could rewind and re-answer that question more truly, more thoughtfully, more honestly.  

I was so focused on material worries and how we weren't "getting it right" that I was overlooking what was most important - each other.  We weren't exerting the effort we should have been on building the foundation of our marriage, taking for granted that we loved each other.  There was no question in my mind whatsoever that Tony and I were meant to be.  Our love was solid.  Our love was expected, a constant - I was unable then to see it as something to be nurtured and cherished.  

I will say that our early misdirection has impacted the way we are as a couple four years later.  If you've read my blog you are undoubtedly sick of hearing about this - but our recent focus as a couple has been to live more simply and focus on the important things in life - love, family, friendship, happiness, laughter - not on money or things.  The lessons I learned in that first year have indelibly changed the way we live.  We don't take our relationship for granted.  Tony is my rock, as cheesy as that sounds.  When nothing else seems to be going right, I know he is there for me and is inextricably wound up in my future.  I want it no other way.  

day two of summer vacation.

Starting off my summer vacation with:

these blackberry-lime muffins. They are all kinds of good.
laundry hanging on our makeshift clothesline (a.k.a a yellow rope tied to our posts). Still gets the job done.
curled hair. Celebrating the end of the school year tonight with Chad's family.
one summer class. Never fear though, it's online so I get to finally save on gas money!
a graduation party for my cousin's husband tomorrow who graduated from seminary.
a whole afternoon being outside (playing Angry Birds on my computer). Love the feeling of the warm sun on my pale legs and arms.

I ask you--Is there any better smell in the spring than that of lilacs? There is a big bush right behind our house's privacy fence that is just starting to flower and it is di-vine coming out on the patio and write a blog post while sniffing the lilac-filled air.

year one.

 Trying to gather all my thoughts on marriage into one blog post is proving to be rather difficult. I simply can't believe that Chad and I were married one year ago on the 15th. I sometimes have to stop what I'm doing and marvel to myself--How did God know he was my match? How did He know I needed to have this man be mine for my whole life?

 -----------------------------------------------

When we were first married, admittedly, I got very nervous about marriage and being so independent with him. The only other examples I had of married life were my parents, in-laws, grandparents---people who had been married for 29+ years (some even more than sixty!). These wives were remarkable in my eyes. They had all the kinks smoothed out: they knew which day was 'laundry day', how to tell if a roast is done or not (heck, they know how to make a roast), how to sew a button onto a blouse, how to work with yeast; how to make sure their husbands go out the door with full bellies and happy hearts. To me, these were all things that so-called married people do. Yeah, I thought that married life was a little intimidating. 

It took my several crying meltdowns in the first few months (one complete with wailing on the couch saying to Chad "I just can't do it all!"--pathetic I know) to realize that learning how to be a wife takes time. It didn't come naturally right away for these women. I don't see how the Proverbs 31 wife would have made coverings for her bed and linen garments straight outta the gate. 

I had my own task at hand: How to be Married. What worked for the moms and grandmas in their marriages just wasn't going to work for us (right away at least). We had to find our groove, settle into our marriage and use the guidance of our parents and God's Word to set us on our path. We have had to create our marriage so that we are both happy. 

It's true that no one gives you a handbook entitled  "How to Be a Wife". I just had to figure it all out on my own. The biggest blessing I have is that Chad is my husband. He is the one who is level-headed, patient, full of compassion and love for me and our marriage. Without him, I would be one miserable half of a whole. We pray every night that our life together is (and will continue to be) full of blessings. 

And, I am happy to report that after one year of being married I know that we do laundry whenever we have time & the basket is full, I have successfully roasted a chicken, sewing a button is not difficult, we have not bought sandwich bread for the last six months (thanks to Summer!) and my husband goes to work with a smile on his face because he kisses me right before he's out the door. 

--------------------------------------------------------

I thought it would be interesting to get insight into other bloggers' first years of marriage so I've rounded some up and will be sharing their experiences once a week on my blog. Check back tomorrow for the first post in my guest series: The First Year of Marriage...

one through twelve.

Ga! What was Blogger's issue? I know this affected almost all of my blogger friends, so you guys know what a hassle it is when Blogger isn't cooperating. Hopefully you are not too upset that I am posting this from Thursday, but I just can't recover it from wherever Blogger dropped it. I do know that from now on, I'll be saving every single draft before, during and after I start writing in order to avoid this feeling of complete paranoia. Happy reading! :) 

01. Enjoying my springtime rag wreath and my kitten by the door...
02. Banana bread with greek yogurt. It's awesomely moist.
03. The Voice. (Do you watch?)
04. After seeing these spring dresses I decided I need more navy, moss, coral, and cream in my closet.
05. Saying goodbye to my preschoolers on Monday.
06.My own version of this messy bun at a going-away party on Tuesday.
07. This picture of peonies at the market that Jordan took are delicious. Makes me want to go to Paris sooner than 71 more days.
08.Sleeping with the window in our bedroom cracked open the last couple nights. It makes both of us sleep so much better.
09. Picking out new sunglasses with Chad (our yearly tradition).
10. Nightly devotions with Chad are my new favorite.
11. Trying out new fonts for special party invites...they are my new weakness. I've downloaded probably a dozen this week.
12.Shopping for summer duds. New blue polka dotted wedges, anyone?

P.S. I used this tutorial that Jessica posted to make my rag wreath.

Link up your own 12 on the 12th at Miranda's blog.

for the moms.

I'm not part of the mom's club yet. I don't take my kids to school, read them stories, answer all their questions, teach them about Jesus, and love them to bits, so I get to enjoy this mother's day as a kid. And reflect on why moms are so worthy of having a day devoted to them.

I do have some pretty great examples of moms in my life: grandmothers, aunts, cousins, friends, sister, mother-in-law, and my own mother. I have seen all these women raise their children and as I get older and closer to becoming a mother myself, I am in so much awe of them. For instance, it's one thing growing up with an older sister and play with her, cook with her, teach Sunday School with her and watch her love for children. But watching my own sister become a mother to two children and watch her love for UJ and Zara beam out of her is something truly perfect. It's watching that bond between her and her children that makes my heart happy.

The same goes for my own mother. Our relationship now is more than curfews, chores, and watching TV together--it's deeper. As a daughter, I am able to appreciate her as a person and as a friend. Yes, I still do call her about why my bread doesn't look right and what cocoa powder is, but I am starting to talk to her more about things I talk about with my other girlfriends--relationships, marriage, religion, the future.

So happy mother's day, mom. my mom + my friend.

today i will...

dream of the next time avocados are on sale so that I can make avocado on toast.
eat ginger steak salad leftovers for lunch.
try to stop looking at pictures from the royal wedding. My favorites have to be this one and this one.
begin the countdown to the end of school.
email Meghan, no. 19--the winner of my participation prize for the curd survey.
finish reading Ree + Marlboro Man's love story. and then go home and kiss Chad.
go on the back of Chad's motorcycle.
listen to Simon & Garfunkel.
do my not-so-interesting homework.
open the porch door and let the breeze in.


The avocado toast is super simple: toast with 1/2 avocado mashed, drizzle of olive oil, sprinkle of crushed red pepper flakes, and s + p.